=^_^= I'm so excited. My new laptop is gonna be in any time today, and I'm gonna be able to play tons of games and do lots of neat stuff. I'm gonna kill so many zombies in left4dead, it's not even funny.

And the other exciting thing is that I've been using Rummystarlight's tablet to do some more artz, and I've been absolutely loving it. I'm gonna have to start saving up for my own, cause I have to let him use his again eventually... >.>

Otherwise, all good happy stuff, and I'm really happy at this place in my life.

Leslie

Teehee, yesterday evening and this morning I've been recording some of my playing piano, and even singing... Once I figure out how to put it up, I will. ^_^ I'm actually pretty happy with some of it, even if it's not perfect...

This is kinda the "before" of the before and after I get a voice teacher, which is awesome. ^_^ I'm pretty happy...

-Leslie

Man, life really is something...

Things have been so weird lately, everything I thought was right was wrong, and vice versa. I've left the things I believed before almost completely behind, looking for something that I could choose for myself, and I've spent the last little while finding those things.

My parents are getting divorced, and I'm glad of it. I'm finally taking the time to be furious at my dad for all of the shit he's put his family through, and I'm growing much much closer to my mother for all of it. I'm finding out all the time that things that I thought were terrible are actually perfectly acceptable in their time. My parents are doing this peacefully, and things are going smoothly. My Mom stays in the house all week, and my dad has the weekend. I've made it clear that I'm going to not be at the house during the weekend, and everybody is fine with that. The family is at harmony, to a point, and I have faith that in time I'll be happy to spend time with my dad again. But for now, I'm going to take my time being angry, and feel those feelings until I'm done.

I'm still confused on the issue of safety. I feel safe in that I am Leslie, and that I will always be Leslie. I feel safe in that I will always have a house to stay in, and food to eat. I feel safe in all the ways that I've needed to feel safe in before, but there's also another level of safety that I hadn't known before, that I really really want. There's a certain peace I recently discovered, one of doing what's right for me at that time, and not haveing to worry about someone take it away.
I don't know when I'll get this safety for good, but I'm very excited for it. I've had it for short periods, and it always ends, but I'm waiting for a time when it can just stay.

I'm glad to be at school right now, but I'm not sure that's what I'm going to be doing for long. I know what I want to be doing, but because that's not possible right now, I'm going to continue doing what will open more doors for me in the future. I'm terrified beyond anything I'd imagined about this whole medical thing I'm doing, and especially about the thing at Shands tomorrow. I'd be so happy to call the whole thing off, especially because of the unexpected events of today, but I'm going to brace myself and go do it anyway. I'm sure that I'll be grateful eventually, even if it's painful and terrifying right now.

The other thing I've been struggleing with has been trust. I have three people I trust in my life right now, and I'm okay with that. These people are really really important to me, and I'm very grateful to have them in my life right now. These are the people I would trust with pretty much everything, and so far, they've not let me down, even if it's come close.

Today I'm so tired, it's pretty rediculous, but that's okay. I'm about to leave for class, and then it's my nephew's birthday party this evening. And tomorrow I wake up and have my day, and the next day, and the next. And I'm glad for every day, even the sad ones, the painful ones, and the tired ones.

-Leslie

======================WARNING=====================

This is a Leslie brain vomit. It may not all be comprehensible, and very little thought went into grammar, punctuation, or even vocabulary.

You've probably already heard all of these ideas before, as I'm sure that I'm not the first person to have thought them.

=================================================

Perspective (per-spec-tive)-

1. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.

However, a person can never be positive that they are looking at the same thing as a person who is sitting right beside them looking at the exact same spot in space. Because we are confined to our own body, we can never truly experience the same thing as another person. Because we are raised relating a set combination of words to a set combination of items, we can never know what we are actually seeing. If a child is born seeing colors inverted, they would never know, because they would grow up believing that black is white, and green is red. And because no one else will ever see through his eves, that will always be what he believes. It may very well be that every person sees in a different spectrum of color, and that we only ever see the one that we were born with. What other colors could there be, colors that we can't even imagine, any more than a blind person can imagine a rainbow.


2. the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.


The sheer vvolume of the potential in perspective is incomprehensible to the human mind. Every person lives out their lives, gathering knowledge and adding experience into their bank of knowledge. The very way a person behaves and presents themselves is based on only two things: Base human nature, and Perspective. While a person grows, they learn. There is no way for a human to grow and not learn, because some part of the human being is always paying attention. The things that we observe, the opinions that we develop, and the people who touch and are touched by us all influence the way we behave for the rest of our lives.


3. a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective of terminally ill patients.


Or, the way one views the world around them. Whether a person has a positive or negative outlook on events, people, or things, they do have an outlook. Each and every person who has ever been has perceived their world. Because of this, there are innumerable realities, and none of them are the same. None of them are the "real thing," and none of them can even begin to define the others. Therefore, insanity is a valid reality, just as real as the more common reality that the majority has come to accept. A blind person has a universe with many similarities to that common reality, only altered by the lack of one sense.

=================================================

Okay, done for now. Have a good night all!

-Leslie


<3

So, yeah. This last Tuesday, my friend was biking and she found this baby squirrel. She called me up and asked me to come pick it up, and maybe take care of him. I did, and I decided to keep him. I named him Ludo(yes, I do obsess over Labyrinth), and I read up all over the internet on how to take careof them.

I kept him in a box, and as soon as I got him re hydrated, he started being lots of fun. All of yesterday he was really frisky and I carried him around on my shoulder. I fed him cheerios that were soaked in formula water, and he ate and drank and was happy. Last night I couldn't sleep. I literally stayed up the entire night just lying there thinking. I held him from about 11 until midnight, and he had plenty of energy then.

This morning I took him downstairs, and I didn't have any time to hold him before seminary. I'm glad that I didn't, because at that point he was probably already dead. I didn't find out until about 3:30 this afternoon, after all of my classes.

So yeah. sometimes Life really just sucks.